I've written 3 posts since the last one. Each about thoughts, art, and plans. Each time I wrote them and went to create some art to go along, and each time I changed my mind.
They say that about women I think. That it's their prerogative to change their minds. It's probably considered non-PC in our world, but I'll take it anyway.
I've been considering some huge changes in my life over the past few months. Changes on every level of my life.
The reason I decided last year to explore the arts and to see where it led was to make myself take a road and stick with it. I have been all over the place for years. Now that my son is grown, my home is gone and I really have no place of my own, I would like to forge ahead and make my own way.
It's terrifying.
For the past 15 years or so I have had a story in my head. It's remained there, and even grown through time and I always romanticize about bringing it to life, but the process is completely overwhelming, not to mention those nagging thoughts about flaking out, not finishing, letting people down, all of it.
Two of the many, many sketches I've done thinking about this project...
Recently I was looking through art I had done through the years and the files of notes, the research. I wondered once again if it were possible to actually put this thing together. (Of course, I had a hundred instant reasons why it couldn't.) And through the next couple of weeks I found myself researching places, times, specifics...things that would make this story real.
During that time I remember laughing to myself and thinking "Steven Pressfield thinks this is resistance! Look at all this great stuff!" Which lead to the instant distraction (which is, of course, resistance) of hunting down that quote. I looked in both of his BRILLIANT books - War of Art, and Turning Pro but found nothing, so I turned to the internet.
I've been following his blog for years. I found what I was looking for in a post from 2009.
Ugh.
"What did he mean by that? I’m tempted to say, “Don’t do any research.” But Norm is a gorilla for research. What he was really warning me about was extraneous and superfluous preparation. Research can be just that. Resistance loves research because the more research you do, the less writing you do."
And ugh again.
"It’s not because I don’t value research. I do. I love it. It’s often the most fun part of a project. But research can be pernicious because it’s so easy to tell yourself, when you’re doing it, that you’re actually working. You’re not. You’re preparing to work."
You can go here and read the post. In fact, read the books. Seriously...even if you aren't an artist or a writer, they will help you see if you're shooting yourself in the foot with your own resistance. (You'll know if you need it by the thought you just had after you read that sentence...either "I love my life, why would I worry about resistance?" Or "I don't think I have resistance...do I?" If it's the latter, at least go read the summaries on Amazon, then read the reviews. You'll know.)
He called me on it then, I should have understood and just went with it at that point. Instead I've spent all these years "preparing to work." (I'm hanging my head in disgrace.)
Anyway. I'm going to plunge forward. I'm going to stop doing research and start working. You'll see it all here, on Instagram or on my soon to be created Patreon page. I'll fill you in on everything. Until then, mysteries are fun!
Sending Big Love...have a wonderful day!
