I’ve talked about having ‘creative ADHD’. It’s almost crazy how I can look at an era of art and completely fall in love with it. I want to learn everything there is to learn, I want to completely immerse myself into it, and I want to explore the style of their art until I understand the process.
It wasn’t until recently that I began to really analyze it, and only last week when I was talking to someone about exploring culture through art that I realized that it was my own form of time travel.
I’ve been fascinated with ancient culture since I was young. My grandmother used to bring us stacks of National Geographic and I would pour over them. I loved to read, so having these new little gems fall in my lap was pure joy. I used to credit Disney with my love of detail, but I think it was more those magazines. I’m sure I first learned about ancient Native American culture, Aboriginal culture, Mayan culture, Egyptian culture, Indian culture and Aztec culture from them. That along with the geography of the areas, the temples, the sacred spaces, and the traditions left me daydreaming constantly.
The immense volume of materials I own today came mostly from diving into the beauty and style from those fascinations through the years. And to this day, I could fall into ancient art and be completely in love.
But it didn’t stop in ancient cultures. As I got older, every era held some kind of magic. Every nation has so much beauty. Every culture has secrets begging to be discovered.
There was a time I thought I might want to be an anthropologist. My dad thought it probably wasn’t a very lucrative choice. (because art is much more so! ) It wasn’t until years later I learned that he had confused it with archeology…which would have been fine with me as well. Now in hindsight, I remember my whole family thinking that being a nurse would have been the best choice for me (despite the fact that I can’t handle gore, and I instantly become attached to people). I’m sure it was mostly because ‘that’s what girls do’. I probably would have stunned them all by being an awesome anthropologist. Or an archeologist. But I was dutiful. Not that that’s a horrible thing. I love them to pieces.
But now I have to find a way to find purpose in the things I love. Art has become just so much more noise in the world. It’s rarely deep and meaningful, other than to the person creating it. I really don’t want to be more noise. I honestly just want to drink in the world. If I’m inspired to create, I will. I’m finding that as I continue to force it, the less I find any connection with it at all.
The world has changed so much. Nothing is allowed to have value. Deep meaning is laughed at and ridiculed. We don’t seem to be allowed (though “they” seems to be the abstract we create in our heads, keeping us afraid and constricted) to even know our own truths without justifying it to someone. I’m kind of over that. I think the past year or so has been a watershed time. But the question is….what’s next?
Wishing you all an amazing week. Maybe there will be something interesting happening soon. I’ll try not to bother you too much if it doesn’t.
xo
